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Does your husband help out?

Jen

I think that Dads are expected to do a lot more than in any generation before, but I think many of them are surprised by this. Women understand that even though they are working or whatever their other responsibilities are, that once they become Moms, there is a lot more they need to be doing (i.e. changing diapers, cleaning, cooking, looking after the house, etc.). Women are not applauded for it, but somehow men are looked at as heroes if they take a baby on an outing. Imagine you’re in Starbucks. You see a Mom with a baby. Nothing new…maybe comment on how cute or just try to walk by. Now imagine you see a Dad with a baby…isn’t he adorable? What a great Dad! Is he wearing a baby-bjorn? Wow! He is a superhero! You get the point. I am lucky. My husband is the most loving Dad you can imagine. He listens to the kids, plays with them (sometimes a little too late into the night!), and truly enjoys them. I don’t mind that most of the domestic responsibilities fall on me. What I do mind, however, is that he doesn’t pick up after himself. I just don’t think that is too much to ask. Don’t leave your sweaty clothes on the floor for me to pick up and wash, don’t leave every cabinet open in the kitchen with the milk opened and out, don’t leave piles of papers, coins, and personal belongings strewn across every free corner of the house. I know women like Dr. Laura Slessinger would probably tell me that I have a wonderful man and to suck it up and just deal with it. She would probably be right, but his messes make me insane, truly insane. I feel as though it is disrespectful to me when he just says he is being “himself”. I know I am not alone on this and would love other people’s input as to how they deal with this very common problem! Jen

5 Responses to “Does your husband help out?”

  1. Brenda says:

    Yes, that’s totally my husband. Still “training” him but on the other hand, it never occurs to me to fill up the tank or change the oil!! He was brought up to take care of the outside stuff – cut the lawn, shovel the snow, take care of the car. So I’m grateful that way.

    I also try to keep in mind that when I’m home, I walk by the mess WAY more often than when either of us is working. So it always seems worse when you’re at home all of the time. Plus it just seems insurmountable when you have to do everything by yourself – and it DOES feel like EVERYTHING so much of the time. (I do feel rather guilty, but I do enjoy the occasional times my husband has to be away for a few days – cleaner house! Although a bit lonely; )

    On the practical side, I have various dump bins around the house, and try to implement a family 10-minute cleanup whenever I can, usually shortly after dinner before we get into too much stuff. And once or twice a year, my Mom comes in to help clean up.

    And a weird surprising thing is, in the summer, when my husband is not working as much, if I thoroughly clean part of the house, he jumps in about 2 days later and catches up with me – like he realizes that it’s possible. Hmm… guess the whole thing is an ongoing process.

  2. hina azaz says:

    While reading this post im thinking of my husband . I think most men are the same they dont think for themselves ,if you ask them to do something they will do it but if you dont ask they will not …not because they think its our job its just that they dont think. My husband is also a great father and will do anything for his children but when it comes to household chores there the bigger kid.

  3. Ann Cox says:

    PS. When your husbands room gets disgusting, board it all up and have him build himself another room. He’ll love paying that bill.

  4. Ann Cox says:

    You do have a good man with many more redeeming qualities than not, and a few annoying habits.

    Regarding Alex comment. For me, the change and the paper and wrappers could be shoved into an empty kitchen drawer. He’ll always know where to find them.

    His ability to eat candy when the kids can’t is because he is the adult, the father, and they get to make decisions like that. Hopefully, it’s a united front with his spouse.

    Re Jen: It sounds like your husband needs a room of his own where you can gather up all his crap, dirty clothes and all, and just open the door and throw everything in there. When he is ready for clean clothes or important notes, he’ll go looking, when he leaves the cupboard doors open, if your children are not in danger, leave them all open untill he bumps his head on one. It works for me.

    Now regarding the milk. When it starts getting stenchy put it in his room. I can’t imagine that he wants to keep paying for more milk all the time because he let’s it sour.

    He’s a big boy, and he may do wonderful things for you and your family, but where is it written that marriage means “be my slave and pick up after me” rather than “take care of me” which is a mutually intimate committment.

    So good luck ladies.

    From soneone who has been waiting a long, long time for the right one to come along.

  5. alex markle says:

    I love this post! you are so right!..and just for the record..i too am ok with me being the one who really takes care of the house and kids considering i am not working right now (though need to be!) and i feel lucky b/c my husband will clean up..and even do dishes all on his own..which i really appreciate..however..i too am faced with impossible piles of tiny papers and change all over counters..and also candy wrappers – which really drives me crazy..b/c our kids wonder, if their dad gets to eat candy at any given time, why they can’t.. annoying..dr laura would say that if they didn’t clean up after themselves before we married them..then it is our fault to expect them to do it after we marry them..also, annoying…but i do think there is a way to approach men about this issue which might compel them to just THINK about how much it annoys us..and to work on it…my husband says he tries..which i suppose is all i can really hope for ..sigh! funny post!

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